Bloomberg reports on the exit of Harvard money managers Jane Mendillo, Apoorva K. Koticha and Mark McKenna after poor performance.

“When the team posts mediocre records too many years in a row, the coach goes,” said Erik Gordon, a professor at the University of Michigan’s Ross School of Business. “And, not far behind her, the assistant coaches.

...Harvard’s endowment posted annual average gains of 1.7 percent in the five years ended June 30, 2013, according to data compiled by Charles Skorina & Co.

Harvard should hire me as its portfolio manager. My portfolio did not decrease as much as Harvard’s did during the crisis, and it has crushed Harvard’s returns over the past five years. (1.7 percent? Seriously?)

Harvard, here is my offer: I will manage the endowment for $100, 000 less than Jane Mendillo did. And, although I have no professional investing experience, I will beat her returns by at least one percent. Guaranteed, or I will quit (as long as there’s a nice golden parachute.

Deal?