“There’s someone evil out there that saw what I had—and they wanted it.”

—Paula Deen, on the Today show, today.

“I love seeing Bob Newhart around a bunch of Jews—it’s like Sarah Palin in a library.”

—Joan Rivers, at the Friars Club tribute to Don Rickles (with Bob Newhart in attendance) on Monday night

“Alex should just shut the fuck up.”

—Yankee GM general manager Brian Cashman, referring to $27 million-a-year player Alex Rodriguez.

“It’s hard to sell your economic agenda if they think you’re going to deport their grandmother.”

South Carolina senator Lynsey Graham, speaking on the immigration debate and GOP politics