So Here’s the Thing
Posted on April 30th, 2013 in Uncategorized | 13 Comments »
Let me preface this blog by saying that I am a huge Larry David fan. My wife, in fact, has been known to call me the WASP Larry David.
There—that’s out of the way.
So last night I was taking the train home, which is what I do given my new life in the ‘burbs. I was happily immersed in Hilary Mantel’s really remarkable sequel to Wolf Hall, Bringing Up The Bodies, the saga of Thomas Cromwell and 16th century England. Read it, it’s great.
Until every ten or fifteen seconds, I started hearing this odd electronic chirping noise—like a plastic cricket made in Taiwan. It did have a Chinese water torture element to it, now that I think about it.
After hoping in vain that it would go away, I peered around trying to find it. Of course it was the guy seated behind me. Probably in his late 50s, he was playing some kind of card game—solitaire, maybe—on his Blackberry. And whenever he did something right, apparently, the game would make that incredibly irritating noise.
Don’t you just hate to be in that situation? Where you think, I could just suck it up and say nothing, but then I a) feel like a wimp, and b) have to listen to this incredibly irritating noise while I’m trying to read a really good book. But on the other hand, if I say something, then I feel like kind of a douche.
Again, given my empathy for Larry David, I don’t really care that much about feeling like a douche, so I turned around and said, with all the politeness I could muster—a perfectly plausible amount—”Excuse me, would you mind turning that down?”
I didn’t even say “turn it off,” which I thought was pretty reasonable of me.
The guy looked shocked. Outraged! That anyone could so object to the electronic sound effects of his smartphone game.
“You gotta be kidding me,” he said.
“You gotta be kidding me”? You gotta be kidding me.
I shook my head to reinforce the point that no, I wasn’t kidding him.
“Alright, alright,” he muttered, and turned the sound down.
And I thought about that for the uncomfortable ten minutes or so until the train reached my stop. Why on earth would someone think it was so outlandish to be asked to turn down the sound on his phone? What makes people think that they have the right to invade other people’s space with noise—especially noise of such a jejune nature?
And more: Why on earth was it important to this man that his card game be accompanied by electronic sound effects? Was it some kind of Pavlovian ritual? Some kind of aural addiction?
I have no idea what the answer is to any of these questions, which is, I think, a microcosm of why I sometimes feel so alienated from modernity.
13 Responses
4/30/2013 6:05 pm
Here’s where a needle dipped in curare comes in handy.
Extreme? Perhaps. But satisfying.
4/30/2013 7:36 pm
That’s what you get for living in the suburbs. Many suburban train riders are, in the mind’s of city dwellers, existing in Dante’s third circle. Correct the error of your ways before it is too late! Move back to the city!
Lastly, the phrase - “of such a jejune nature”? Really? Didn’t Larry David say that a real douche is someone who uses the word jejune in a blog post?
5/1/2024 8:24 am
Gotta love jejeune, IMHO.
5/1/2024 10:21 am
Couldn’t agree more with you on this one Rich. It’s one of my pet peeves. Especially loud conversations or music on the beach or on an airplane. I usually don’t say anything myself, but I keep a pair of earbuds for my Iphone onhand for just this purpose. I then just listen to my music which drowns out whatever annoying sound is disturbing me.
5/1/2024 10:58 am
It’s two things in equal measure, and only one of them is really about modernity. On the one hand, it’s about something Sherry Turkle discusses, the social isolation that comes from inhabiting a metaphorical universe created by software. Computer games have been around for more than 40 years but it used to be that their metaphors would fail and their software would crash; now it is easier to become lost inside them for extended periods. And on the other hand it’s simple rudeness, a character flaw of the “all about me” society. RB, you sometimes use the term “classy” in a negative, ironic form to talk about Boston sports fans or whatever, but that term an echo of an old value, of a social obligation to make others feel comfortable, that once was assumed of people who were fortunate enough to be commuting on trains from Manhattan to the ‘burbs. That sense of a social obligation of human reciprocity went out when the me generation came in.
5/1/2024 11:42 am
I generally agree, but isn’t there a “quiet” car? And if so, you should sit there. Recently, while on the Commuter Rail, I had to have a short, but important phone call about swapping child pick up along with some very minor pleasantries. I kept my voice down, but nevertheless, a woman got up from her seat (at least two seats away from me), pointedly glared at me while walking furiously to another car. I was not sitting in the quiet car, so I’m pretty sure, I’m allowed to have a brief phone conversation.
5/1/2024 12:10 pm
Harry-it’s true that I may have used classy in a sarcastic way to refer to, oh, David Ortiz using the f-word in front of a stadium full of people, but it’s actually a word I believe in; it’s just so old-fashioned that it’s hard to use in anything but a sarcastic or sentimental way. But I agree very much with your argument, though I can’t speak to the me generation aspect of it. Not long ago I stopped a yuppie in a suit walking down 26th street who was drinking a Corona and, thinking no one was looking, placed it on the ground next to a stoop and walked away. “Why don’t you just throw it out,” I said, pointing to a garbage can about 20 feet away. He looked shocked that anyone would call him out on his littering, but to me, you’re just a) littering, and b) dumping off your responsibility on someone who probably makes far less money than you.
11:42 Anon, I wouldn’t find that objectionable. Seems like that’s a reasonable middle ground.
5/1/2024 2:32 pm
RB, that beer bottle story is great. I bet that guy’s parents never made him pick up his own clothes and toys; you were the first guy who ever called him on it. Remember that with your son!
Here is a nice Harvard example of that “you’re-the-one-wth-the-problem” attitude: http://www.thecrimson.com/column/the-red-line/article/2013/4/23/harvard-lean-in/
5/1/2024 3:01 pm
Interesting piece, Harry. Not quite sure what to make of it. I raised an eyebrow slightly at this:
” It is not the obligation of quiet women to speak up. It is the obligation of the rest of the room to slow down and listen, because women’s voices are important.”
Hmmmm….
5/1/2024 6:20 pm
“It is not the obligation of quiet women to speak up. It is the obligation of the rest of the room to slow down and listen, because women’s voices are important.”
No. It’s not. That disturbed me so much I had to go read the article. Part of my comment there:
“I think its crazy to think speaking quietly, indecisively, vaguely, ungrammatically, is feminine. That is simply ineffective communication. And more importantly, I see it as weakness. If Korn was socialized to equate femininity with weakness - as many were and still are - thats unfortunate. But seriously - she feels it at Harvard? Still?
I’m also disturbed by the idea that we need to bend over and listen to someone who is whispering. No, I don’t think so. If you’re too shy to speak in class and express yourself better in writing, online, in email etc, great - but EXPRESS YOURSELF. Don’t whisper.”
ps. Quiet car or not, the guy had no business whatsoever being irritated at your perfectly reasonable request to lower the volume. A civilized person would have complied.
5/1/2024 11:22 pm
I confess I have a similar internal debate whenever people use the word “douche.” “Classy.”
5/2/2024 8:53 am
Totally agree, Beecham! Which is sort of my point—it’s just that much of a jerk you feel like when you have to ask someone not to be a jerk. I don’t know why it works that way, but at least for me it does…
5/2/2024 12:01 pm
Hate this situation on the commuter train. I usually employ, to great effect, the dramatically raised eyebrows and the shocked, interrogative form of “dude?”
Cannot wait to read Bringing Up the Bodies. Wolf Hall was just wonderful.