So let’s see if I understand….

Newt Gingrich is (almost?) winning in South Carolina…but he wanted an open marriage with his second wife.

But that isn’t stopping Rick Perry, who was once the conservatives’ favorite, from dropping out and endorsing Gingrich.

Meanwhile, Rick Santorum actually won Iowa, it turns out, which might have had a significant impact on his current situation if only he’d won Iowa at the time he won Iowa.

And the ostensible frontrunner, Mitt Romney, makes $375,000 in speaking fees, which he calls not very much, pays about 15% of his income in taxes—which actually isn’t very much—and also probably means that most of his income is from capital gains, which means he’s making a huge amount of money on capital gains (if $370, 000 is not much), which means he’s maybe even richer than we thought. But maybe it’s because he’s been parking his money in the Caymans, a notorious tax haven?

(Here’s what I really love: In the article linked to above, Romney admits that he’s put money in the Caymans. His defense is that his wealth is managed by a blind trust and he doesn’t know what happens with it. So how does he know that some of it is in the Caymans? Crazy stuff.)

Maybe the Republicans should just not nominate anyone at all this year….