Clyde Haberman, who is the Times’ resident curmudgeon Alex Beam, has a great column this morning on the things we all hate about banks.

1) Let’s start with something really easy. Is it too much to ask that all banks have pens that work on the counters with the deposit and withdrawal slips? In too many places, the pens are useless. How can people feel confident that their money is being managed wisely if those in charge can’t even provide a functioning pen?

2) How about a moratorium on new bank branches in New York neighborhoods? …[Many New Yorkers] Many are infuriated as they watch cherished local stores die and give way to impersonal bank outlets, often located within yards of one another. Enough is enough.

3) Why not forbid any bank receiving taxpayer money to purchase naming rights to sports stadiums and arenas? Citigroup is handing the Mets something like $20 million a year to call their new stadium Citi Field. Surely, the Mets do not need Citigroup’s money — not to mention yours — to keep failing to make the playoffs.

[Blogger: An excellent point about the Mets.]

4) Might we end the procedure by which banks stiff you when you deposit a large check?

5) For that matter, why must bank customers pay several times to retrieve cash at an A.T.M.?

So true—Chase ATMs now charge an absurd $3 if you’re not a Chase customer. I recommend a virtual checking account, like the one I have at Fidelity, which reimburses me for all ATM fees up to $1000 a year.

I love Haberman’s populist anger….