Modesty, Please
Posted on October 29th, 2008 in Uncategorized | 15 Comments »
Alex Beam—the Globe’s resident curmudgeon, as the paper’s website brands him—had a terrific column yesterday about the virtue and scarcity of modesty.
Whatever happened to modesty? It is such a becoming trait. Did it die forever in the 1980s, when Donald Trump, Madonna, and Tina Brown embraced the “Look at me!” culture? “Conceit spoils the finest genius,” Marmee March tells her daughter Amy in Louisa May Alcott’s “Little Women.” “There is not much danger that real talent or goodness will be overlooked long,” she continues, adding that “the great charm of all power is modesty.”
Among the people Beam suggests manifest modestly:
E.O. Wilson (multiple votes); writers Priscilla MacMillan and Richard Parker; Drew Faust (multiple votes); Derek Bok (What! No Larry Summers?); poet Frank Bidart; editor William Whitworth; sailor/mathematician Rich Wilson of Marblehead; Architects Collaborative cofounder Sally Harkness; MacArthur genius John Ochsendorf; Bishop Thomas Shaw; Roger Brown of Berklee College of Music; street doctor Jim O’Connell; Michael Dukakis, and Gary Hirshberg of Stonyfield Farm.
Not, ahem, that my opinion matters so much, but I agree with Beam: Modesty is one of the rarest and most appealing of personal qualities. Isn’t it funny that the people who are modest are often the people who have the most to brag about, if they were so inclined, while the people who do the most bragging usually have inversely little in terms of achievement?
(That’s a ghastly sentence, but you know what I mean. I hope.)
Any nominations from you folks?
(I’m trying to think of someone who fits the bill…it ain’t easy.)
I thought of Beam’s column yesterday during a workout at my local gym, because “modesty,” of course, can have a slightly different meaning than the one Beam intends, a sense of physical restraint and decorum.
On one of the Stairmasters there was a clean-cut looking guy, maybe 30-something, wearing a t-shirt that read, “I Mow Your Mom’s Lawn.” Which of course means other than what it says.
I spent the rest of my workout trying to figure out why anyone would wear such a shirt, and never really came up with a satisfying answer….
15 Responses
10/29/2008 9:14 am
Nice post! Much food for thought. It’s a good goal to have. I should try to do that more! I’ll start now. 😉
10/29/2008 9:47 am
When Harvard fell to #2 in the US News rankings years ago, some students from the Lampoon wrote a wonderful piece, saying it was good for us, as it would teach us humility. And Harvard should strive to be #1 in humility, just as it is in everything else.
10/29/2008 12:09 pm
Re the T Shirt guy: he was a gay hipster being ironic? You do go to the Barton Gym right?
10/29/2008 12:40 pm
Um…no.
10/29/2008 4:17 pm
You say “I’m trying to think of someone who fits the bill…it ain’t easy.” Perhaps that’s because all too often, modest but worthy folks are not as publicly visible as their boastful counterparts. I am not sure that I agree that “there is not much danger that real talent or goodness will be overlooked long.” That’s not to say modesty isn’t worth cultivating - it’s just not as often rewarding in a material sense.
10/29/2008 4:33 pm
Good points, Cricket.
10/29/2008 4:51 pm
I think the guy wanted to be left alone, I mean who is going to strike up a conversation with a man wearing that shirt? I aspire to be modest but then it is easy when you are not a public figure.
10/29/2008 4:52 pm
I have found that the people who are the most immodest (bragging about accomplishments) are the ones who want me to like them the most, the most insecure and have the least power. Not as much a character flaw, as much as a desperate move for approval. Those few ones who just think they are God’s gift are just nuts. But not too many of those around.
10/29/2008 5:09 pm
I have found that I am most immodest when confronted with false moral choices.
10/29/2008 5:20 pm
I’ve been the most immodest when I’m looking to be understood and seeking approval. And now that I think about it, that practice has rarely worked in my favor. Really good post, Richard. Been mulling it over off and on all day.
10/29/2008 5:28 pm
Or if I have been hurt. And it didn’t work then for me either. Interesting.
10/29/2008 7:05 pm
Thanks :). Another thought - it strikes me that people’s accomplishments and their boastfulness are not so much *inversely* correlated as simply not correlated. 2 Anons and Happy Seagull identify a bunch of impulses to brag that have little to do with either achievement or lack of it. Anecdotally, I know both modest people and immodest ones; their respective achievements don’t seem all that different. Certainly some people brag to replace actually accomplishing things, but I’d guess many folks are motivated by something else.
10/29/2008 7:14 pm
just to remind - Richard defines immodesty is a lack of physical restraint and decorum, or also being a braggart.
10/29/2008 7:16 pm
whups - “immodesty *as* a….”
10/29/2008 7:38 pm
Main Entry: mod·est
Function: adjective
1 a : placing a moderate estimate on one’s abilities or worth b : neither bold nor self-assertive : tending toward diffidence
2 : arising from or characteristic of a modest nature
3 : observing the proprieties of dress and behavior : DECENT
4 a : limited in size, amount, or scope b : UNPRETENTIOUS
synonym see SHY , CHASTE
Main Entry: im·mod·est
Function: adjective
: not modest ; specifically : not conforming to the sexual mores of a particular time or place