Feeling Safe at The Pillowman
So last night my three completely sober friends and I went to see The Pillowman, which is terrific, of course, just as everyone says. (Though parents of small children might prefer Spamalot.)
But that's not the point of this little story. On the way in, my friend Rob and I were searched by a plainclothed security guard because,
metrosexuals that we are, we were carrying shoulder bags.
Rob, who is an excellent writer and music critic, and a natural blogger if ever I met one, had nothing of interest in his bag.
I happened to be carrying three delicious, ice-cold Coronas, thanks to a Mr. Martin Levine, Supervising Investigator, New York State Liquor Authority, 212-961-8377. (Feel free to call, he gets lonely sometimes.)
But the security guard didn't care about the glass bottles of beer I was carrying, which, truth be told, could do some damage if held firmly by the neck and applied with force to the upside of the head of a tourist in the row in front of you who forgot to turn off his cell phone.
"Corona!" he said. "Mmm." Then: "Enjoy the show!"
So let's review.
1) Apparently Broadway producers are worried that someone's going to carry a bomb into their theaters in relatively fashionable shoulder bags. (Rob's more than mine.)
2) Carrying delicious, ice-cold beer into a Broadway show, on the other hand, is completely acceptable.
3) Why would anyone want to blow up The Pillowman? It's kind of dark as is. (Can you say, Little Jesus"?) Much better to blow up, say, "Good Vibrations." If it hasn't closed already.
In all seriousness, sometimes the post-9/11 security is pretty silly. I don't mind it where truly appropriate. But it's become an act of cultural self-importance to think that you might be a terrorist target: Blowing us up would devastate the city!
I wish someone would have the humility to admit that if they got blown up, it wouldn't really be a big deal.
Other times security is really a guise for making more money—like at Yankee Stadium, where they force men to check their bags in seedy bars across the street. Since terrorists probably can think of other ways to carry a bomb besides backpacks (or they could just rent a helicopter and fly it into the stands—or they could spray some airborne lethal disease over Cap Day—or they could...well, you get the point), it's hard not to believe that the intention is simply to make it harder for people to bring their own food to the stadium.
Women, meanwhile, can simply walk in with their purses....some of which
are large enough to carry a bomb.
I suspect that, on a much larger scale, similar inanities are occurring within the Department of Homeland Security. Everyone wants to get in on the danger watch! And as a result, not enough attention is paid to the really vulnerable places....
