And if the Pope Wasn't Enough to Make You Believe in God...
Yankees 4, Red Sox 3.
I was at the Stadium yesterday—it's telling about the differences between the two cities that Boston has a "park" and New York has a stadium—and the day showed just how glorious baseball can be. The first real day of spring in New York brought a pitchers' duel to the Bronx, Carl Pavano versus Matt Clement, and each pitched terrifically well—Pavano just pitched a little better. The Red Sox, who are always dangerous, tied the score in the top of the 9th against reliever Mariano Rivera, who looks less and less superhuman with every passing season. Then Derek Jeter homered on a 3-2 fastball from Kurt Foulke, and the game was over, silencing the obnoxious Red Sox fan a few rows in front of me who insisted on standing up and shouting, "This is
my house! This is
my house!" (Where were the Bleacher Creatures when you needed them?)
Nine innings of excellent pitching, solid hitting, and pretty good defense (at least from the Yankees). A full house in the Stadium, a blue sky, a Yankees victory—who could ask for more?
Well, I could.
The experience of going to a Yankee game could be improved immensely by taking the following steps immediately:
1) End the playing of "God Bless America" between the top and bottom of the 7th. The act has become more a forced exercise than a demonstration of passion and solidarity. It's like forcing people to stand up and say the Pledge of Allegiance. Plus, that Irish tenor is dreadful, and reminds one of Rudy Giuliani, which causes stomach pain. Forcing people to listen to "God Bless America" is, well, un-American.
2) Do something about the terrible quality of the food vending. If fans have to pay outrageous sums for food—$26 for two hot dogs and two beers—at least get better beer, healthier food, and more outlets. There's no reason any fan should have to miss an entire inning just to get something to eat.
3) The Yankees have now put crowd control barriers along both sides of River Street. This must end. It is the Yankee fan's God-given right to cross the street at any point he wishes. Getting from the exit of the "D" train to The Bat now takes about 15 minutes to walk two blocks.
4) Immediately eject all fans walking around typing on their Blackberries.
5) Enough with the Red Sox fans. I see a suspicious amount of brand-new Sox caps on the heads of New Yorkers these days. It's irritating. This is
not your house, you Johnny [Damon]-come-latelies.
Ah, well. Maybe the Queer Eye episode featuring the Red Sox, or the nauseating Drew Barrymore-Jimmy Fallon movie, will finally show that after just one victorious season, this Sox team has jumped the shark....
