What Is It with Old People and Hard Candy?
Posted on March 2nd, 2009 in Uncategorized | 6 Comments »
So yesterday I went to see this very funny new play, “God of Carnage,” with my friend Liz. It’s a comedy of ill manners with some sharp observations about marriage. Also, it makes fun of Brooklyn, which is always a good thing. Brooklyn takes itself pretty seriously.
Then, within seconds of the curtain rising, old people started unwrapping their hard candies.
Left, right, front, back—the crinkle of plastic wrap, laboriously undone, filled the air like butterflies with jagged wings. One old woman three seats to my right actually had a bag of the damn things, which she proceeded to work her way through without a pause. Crinkle crinkle crinkle.
Crinkle crinkle crinkle.
All I want to do is sit back and watch Hope Davis for a while, lose myself in her mellifluous voice, without being hammered by a wall of hard-candy sound. Is that too much to ask?
Is it?
So what is it with old people and hard candy? Is the lure of the hard candy so great that it can not be resisted? Is there something about getting old that really makes you long for hard candy? Can old people not hear the avalanche of crinkling that they are causing? Or do they simply feel that opening their hard candy during a play is one of the prerogatives of being an old person?
Surely this is one of life’s mysteries.
Hope Davis: No fan of hard candy, I’m willing to bet.
6 Responses
3/2/2024 10:43 am
As the Liz mentioned above, I feel compelled - nay, delighted - to comment. There’s a clear correlation between the median age of the average theatergoer and the heavy level of hard candy consumption by the audience. The remedy is simple: If you’re under 50, get thee to a theater!
3/2/2024 11:36 am
Might the point of the hard candy be to stifle cough reflexes? Those are the times that I pack out the suckers at the theater, though I’m considerably under 50.
3/2/2024 11:56 am
You found a picture of Hope Davis that shines a new light on her: sex appeal. Never saw that before.
3/2/2024 12:01 pm
They suffer mild hearing loss, serious cough reflexes, but obviously don’t yet have too many crowns on their teeth. (Idea: perhaps dentists could place warning ads in the program notes.)
I love your tirade over the “avalanche of crinkling,” Richard!
3/2/2024 12:06 pm
I think the crinkler was Shannon, annoyed that Richard went with Liz.
3/2/2024 6:06 pm
…is infecting the theater.